Isabel Lucas, I have taken issue with your spray tan and hair colour.

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Although I must remember that it’s not so much Miss LUCAS as her “people” that threw her into the Blonde-o-Matic before shooting her with several loaded spray tan guns. Or, you know, maybe it’s for a film role. I think we may have paid out on Miss KRISTEN STEWART at the MTV movie awards before realising her mullet was for an upcoming biopic. As if that will stop us doing it again! Walk the red carpet and your makeup and hair WILL be scrutinised. Walk the RSL carpet on the other hand, and you WILL find yourself enjoying a delicious $9 buffet. I know which I’d prefer.

Here she is, at the Spike TV Scream awards, where she took home the best break out actress for her role in Transformers.

And here is what I have to say about this look, all of which appears to be nasty but is actually constructive. We can’t just post pictures of people looking flawless every day. For some what not to do can be more powerful than banging a drum about what to do. Also I am experiencing disbelief that such a devastatingly beautiful girl has been advised to look like this to an internationally covered event.

1. The tan. It is too much. It is making her look unwell, even though it its intention is the direct opposite. Perhaps she could try a spray tan with a green base, like St Tropez. Also, it seems to be especially dark on the face - a good trick if your spray tanner girl has gone a bit nuts on your face (or even your body) is to wipe your skin with cleansing wipes. Especially those that cleanse-tone-exfoliate in one. Simple have their new Simple Daily Radiance Cleansing Wipes, $9.95, which do all of this, and perhaps Miss LUCAS could’ve used before having her makeup done to temper that tan. (Also helpful to keep in bedside drawer when one wants a clean face but can not be bothered to visit bathroom after big day/night because it is over 0.01mm away from bed.)

2. The face and the body do not match. This could easily be remedied with an instant bronzing product like Rimmel London Sunshimmer Instant Tan Sun Makeup, $16.95, on the body.

3. The hair. It is too long. Why does she persist with these extensions? Also: the curls are sitting lazy, mainly due to the length. Finally, I think this shade of blonde is unflattering on Miss LUCAS. It’s ashy as opposed to golden, but she is far more suited to golden, honey, caramel tones. She has the most sensational eye colour and peachy (natural) skin tone and when she is a sunny, dirty (JENNIFER ANISTON) blonde, those features peak. That, to me, is the ideal hair colour. Look! This colour here! See? Stunning.

4. Her brows are an awesome shape, but are a little too dark with that super blonde hair. If you are going to do very blonde hair with dark brows, ala MARILYN MONROE, keep the makeup suitably retro - red lips and some mascara. If you are attempting long, casual, modern hair and a Californian tan, keep the brow colour maximum two shades darker than the hair colour.

5. The bottom lash mascara and the ‘60s-style icy blue eye shadow are plain confusing. Why would you do that with a black and gold shift dress and all that Rapunzel hair? What the HELL was her makeup artist on? I mean, thinking?

5. The skin is a little shiny. Hey, I’m no advocate of powder, but it’s a must when there are going to be cameras around - generally a key feature of a red carpet. Some loose powder dusted over the t-zone is all that’s needed.

My claws are all exhausted and need a rest.
What do YOU think?

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