Cleavage Lines: The secret wrinkles you might be missing

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Once upon a time, in a mystical land called Sydney, a young woman stumbled to the bathroom after waking up and began her usual cleanse-moisturise face business. But something wasn’t right. Something had changed.... where previously the skin on her chest had been smooth, now sat a small band of renegade wrinkles.

She rubbed her eyes and looked again. Yes. Yes, it was true: She had Cleavage Wrinkles. She quickly applied her face cream to the area and prayed it was just a one-off, that she’d slept funny or that her sheets had made an impression on her skin. But the next morning, same thing. Small vertical lines nestled between her sweater puppies, going up into the decolletage.

Yes, they were faint, but they were there, and that was the part that was annoying.

She consulted some of her clever, beauty-expert friends.

“Oh yes, I always apply my face cream there, day and night. They’re the secret wrinkles no one tells you about*”

“I never sleep on my side anymore, that’s what causes them,” said one who had a lot more in her cup than I did, and thus more potential of wrinkle in that area. “I trained myself by propping rolled-up towels around my neck and head so I physically could not roll onto my side.”

“I’ve trained myself to sleep on my back, too” said another.

Shit sticks, the woman thought. I can’t believe I’ve been rambling along through life not knowing that you can get wrinkles in between the cans. I mean, I knew to protect that area from the sun, and I always moisturize it, but I didn’t realise there was an issue of bloody sideways wrinkles down there.

So she started using her face cream on the area every morning and night, taking special care to massage it in properly, and attempted to start sleeping on her back. She would beat sleep’s silent skin assassin! With ease! But she didn’t, actually, because she was a side-ways sleeper and her body was controlled by small invisible elves who pushed her right back onto her side each time she tried to sleep on her back.

The end.

GUYS!

Hilarious and informative fairytale aside, did you know about this? Have you been actively preventing wrinkles in the chest/boob area, or have you been neglecting to like me, and giving all the attention to the face and neck? Do you sleep on your side? Is it more relevant the bigger your boobs are? Do you apply face cream to the mammaries? Does Heather Graham get these lines? TELL ME STUFF.

*Until today

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