zoes_blog
Archive: Sunday Telegraph Columns
I wrote a piece for the Sunday Telegraph yesterday in which I asked readers to nominate Australia’s most orange city, which is to say, Australia’s most self-tanned city, but with a more fruit-based slant. Sydney, for the record, appears to literally be the winner, in so much as SunFX, St Tropez and Fake Bake all said they sold the most tanning prod (spray tan and retail DIY tan) to Sydney, with Melbourne and Brisbane close behind in second place. You should vote, obviously, but you should also stop and consider just how much you tan your body. I did. It was a lot. If by “a lot” you mean “holy shit, she really does mean a very large amount.”... more
Mon, 17 May 2010 10:40AM
There’s an episode of my favourite TV show, Mad Men, where the advertising lads come up with a bra campaign stating that every woman is either a Marilyn Monroe or a Jackie O. The message was are you bold, sexy and adventurous, or are you elegant, polished and chic?
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Sun, 07 February 2010 8:32PM
When US actress Mo’Nique hitched up her hem on the soggy Golden Globes red rug to reveal unexpectedly hairy legs, she had no idea of the media tizz that would follow. But even if she could’ve predicted it, she wouldn’t give a rusty razor. For she is hairy and she is proud.
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Sun, 24 January 2010 4:05PM
According to several make-believe statisticians, there’s a 64% chance you’re on holidays. This obviously means you’ll be taking photos like a crazed fool, because we’re a society fixated with documenting every nanosecond of our lives to share with 403 closest cyber best friends, and when better to take photos than when faced with a dazzling Fijian beach?
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Sun, 10 January 2010 4:19PM
(This was actually published a few weeks back, but I failed to post it. However, I reckon it’s valuable and relevant enough to chuck up today. Megalomaniac? Me?)
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Sun, 10 January 2010 9:13AM
Always keep you knickers on. This is one of the rules I’ve learned in my capacity as a person with an (amazingly, not make-believe) job that involves “testing” massages and spa treatments.... more
Sun, 13 December 2009 4:59PM
Kelly Rowland is African American and yet has regular spray tans, which sounds a little jarring but in fact acts as excellent proof for me should I choose to write a column about the incredible secondary benefits of spray tanning, which it appears I have.... more
Sun, 29 November 2009 6:35PM
When we buy a celebrity fragrance, very often we couldn’t care less if the celebrity name on the front was Burt Reynolds, so long as the juice inside pleases us. This is relevant because Australia is currently in the middle of a Britney Spears Storm (“Duck! It’s raining midriffs!”) and Britney is the grand dame of celebrity fragrance, having sold over 30 million bottles of perfume since her first perfume, Curious slid onto shelves back in 2004.... more
Sun, 15 November 2009 4:58PM
There’s evidence suggesting that if you’ve paid a lot of money to have your breasts increased in size you no longer need to allocate money on supporting them with a bra. But this is not true. There is no decree stating that once you leave the premises of your plastic surgeon, you must immediately toss all brassieres into the nearest available receptacle because you now belong to the Perennially Pert Collective. (I asked.)... more
Sun, 01 November 2009 5:18PM
Seeing photos of Miss CINDY CRAWFORD at the premiere of Fantastic Mr Fox, it occurred to me just how far she’s moved away from her trademark ‘Cindy Crawford’ look. Approximately 0.02 millimeters. She looks exactly the same, give or take a few wrinkles, as she did 15 years ago. I put it down to the hair: still long, still high, still dark brown. And The Cindy (it has its’ own name, like The Rachel or the Warney) is still working for her. ... more
Sun, 18 October 2009 5:48PM
