When US actress Mo’Nique hitched up her hem on the soggy Golden Globes red rug to reveal unexpectedly hairy legs, she had no idea of the media tizz that would follow. But even if she could’ve predicted it, she wouldn’t give a rusty razor. For she is hairy and she is proud.
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According to several make-believe statisticians, there’s a 64% chance you’re on holidays. This obviously means you’ll be taking photos like a crazed fool, because we’re a society fixated with documenting every nanosecond of our lives to share with 403 closest cyber best friends, and when better to take photos than when faced with a dazzling Fijian beach?
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(This was actually published a few weeks back, but I failed to post it. However, I reckon it’s valuable and relevant enough to chuck up today. Megalomaniac? Me?)
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Always keep you knickers on. This is one of the rules I’ve learned in my capacity as a person with an (amazingly, not make-believe) job that involves “testing” massages and spa treatments.... more

Kelly Rowland is African American and yet has regular spray tans, which sounds a little jarring but in fact acts as excellent proof for me should I choose to write a column about the incredible secondary benefits of spray tanning, which it appears I have.... more

When we buy a celebrity fragrance, very often we couldn’t care less if the celebrity name on the front was Burt Reynolds, so long as the juice inside pleases us. This is relevant because Australia is currently in the middle of a Britney Spears Storm (“Duck! It’s raining midriffs!”) and Britney is the grand dame of celebrity fragrance, having sold over 30 million bottles of perfume since her first perfume, Curious slid onto shelves back in 2004.... more

There’s evidence suggesting that if you’ve paid a lot of money to have your breasts increased in size you no longer need to allocate money on supporting them with a bra. But this is not true. There is no decree stating that once you leave the premises of your plastic surgeon, you must immediately toss all brassieres into the nearest available receptacle because you now belong to the Perennially Pert Collective. (I asked.)... more

Seeing photos of Miss CINDY CRAWFORD at the premiere of Fantastic Mr Fox, it occurred to me just how far she’s moved away from her trademark ‘Cindy Crawford’ look. Approximately 0.02 millimeters. She looks exactly the same, give or take a few wrinkles, as she did 15 years ago. I put it down to the hair: still long, still high, still dark brown. And The Cindy (it has its’ own name, like The Rachel or the Warney) is still working for her. ... more

In case the personalised letter I sent you hasn’t arrived informing you of such things, this summer is all about the chestelbones, a term I’ve coined for that vast area encompassing the cleavage, shoulders and neck. There will be legs and there will be arms, and terrifyingly there will even be midriffs, but mostly, it will be about chests, shoulders and collarbones.
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