Gold Coast Girl: Trials Hypoxi, drops weight and cellulite and now won’t stop raving about it.

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Would you like some cottage cheese with that lovely orange (peel)? Gold Coast girl gets Hypoxi-ed and she kind of really liked it. Slimmer thighs! Abs! knees! Less cellulite! Firmer upper legs! What’s not to love? Nothing. That’s what.

Once upon a time, I donned a neoprene skirt and jumped inside a contraption that suspiciously resembled an oversized Ped Egg. Strapped inside said roid-induced Ped Egg, I cycled my legs as a vacuum chamber went about its business being all suctioney and vacuumey. My delightful mini tightened and released around my waist while I lay back and had jolly old time contemplating unicorns and Pythagoras’ Theorem. And then I landed on Mars. In other freakishly similar news: 

I recently finished 12 sessions of Hypoxi and I am a big fan. A MASSIVE, OMG-LET’S-GET-MARRIED-AND-LIVE-HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER fan, you might even say. For those of you that are yet to become acquainted with the greatness that is Hypoxi, basically, it’s “a revolution in body shaping therapy using specialised cellulite-zapping machines to increase blood circulation through the use of vacuum technology.” Phew.

In other words, it’s a crazy-looking machine that kicks cellulite to the curb. For realz. Anyway, I knew enough about the Hypoxi system to get very excited about the opening of the Mermaid Beach studio, conveniently close to my neck of the woods, and couldn’t wait to get started on some booty-blasting and thigh-trimming goodness.

The first step was to meet with the studio’s Director, Madonna, who greeted me in a push up bra and a fetching pair of high-cut knickers kicked things off with a 15 minute consultation, in which time she took my measurements, talked me through the advised eating program and gave me a test run of the L250 spacecraft (OK, Hypoxi machine. Sheesh). (By the way, yes, Madonna is her real name).

The way Hypoxi works is through the simultaneous use of vacuum technology and fat-burning training, which increases blood supply to your problem areas. Another major plus is that magnetic resonance imaging has proven that weight loss through Hypoxi is the result of actual fat degradation, not fluid loss. Well done to you, Hypoxi, you little fat-obliterating animal, you!

Training on the L250 (shown above) is undertaken in a reclined position, making it comfortable and safe, and requires 30 to 40 minutes of continuous cycling to enhance fat-burning. After strapping a heart rate monitor to your waist, a thermometer gauge to your thigh and slipping you into your AMAZINGLY STYLISH wetsuit-like skirt, your friendly operator will ensure the machine is programmed to the right level so you remain in the fat-burning zone throughout your workout.

As you cycle away, reading a mag, watching Sex and The City on the in-studio flat screen, or in my case, gasbagging with the lovely Lisa, the pressurised chamber stimulates blood supply to the fat tissue around the hips, thighs and boot-ay. The vacuum accelerates the circulation of blood and the fatty acids transported from the problem zone are burnt off as fuel for movement. Which is pretty damn awesome and clever, if you ask me.

The other machine I used is called the S120 and uses the same method, except you are in an upright position whilst sitting on a little seat. Just like a unicycle, only nowhere near as creepy and minus the clown makeup (see pic below). There is also a Vacunaut Machine, which strips fat from the stomach and hips and tends to be a favourite amongst men.

So, what’s the verdict?

In my opinion, if there were a Cellulite-Busting Olympics, Hypoxi would take a clean sweep of Gold, Silver, Bronze and the goddamn dais, it’s that good. After the first three sessions, my thighs and butt felt noticeably firmer, and by the time my 12 sessions were up, it was as if the Anti-Cellulite Footsoldiers From Planet Mars (well, of course) had come marching down and used their special magic Cellulite Erasers* to smooth and tighten and tone my problem areas beyond recognition. Even my boyfriend commented – and when someone from another stratosphere notices, things must be good.
Probably the hardest part for me was sticking to the ‘no-carbs/alcohol-for-four-to-six-hours-afterwards’ rule, which had a lot to do with two (un)necessary evils commonly referred to as Work Functions and Canapes. Caffeine is also on the Not Recommended list, in order to prolong the period that your body burns fatty acids.

For something that requires very little effort and no discomfort, and has the power to make a noticeable difference to my mounting cellulite count, Hypoxi comes with an all-star rating from this happy customer.

If you are feeling particularly motivated, the Mermaid Beach Hypoxi Body Zone studio also has facilities for other gym workouts, with a stationary bike, fit ball, medicine balls and weights.
A 12-visit pass costs $650 and three sessions a week are recommended. Check out their very informative site for other pricing options, contact details and everything else you need to know:
www.hypoxibodyzone.com.au

Yours in smoothness and space mobiles,
Gold Coast Girl

*Available in stores Two Thousand and Never.

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